Thoughts on a Train, or: How to Spot a Kidnapper on the Metro

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I don’t have five things for you to read today.

I learned that a friend linked to my blog as a way to introduce me to potential friends in Chicago. What a great friend, right?! BUT then I realized this space as of late was a bit meh for introductions, and maybe even a little depressing. I’m thinking about spicing it up, but I don’t have any fancy ideas yet. Maybe tomorrow.

There is a weird creeper couple beside me on the train and I am feeling “See something, say something” but it’s not a crime to be weird so I’m not yelling for help. But seriously, guy could legit pass for a scary teenaged kidnapper. We should really get some etiquette rules for these situations:

Girl on a chain, yell for help.

Girl attached to boyfriend’s hip, feel pity but look away.

Girl wearing a huge necklace that looks like a chain around her neck but has a long tail that is being held tightly in the hand of a young man wearing all black but might just be bad fashion, . . . . . . ????????

Seriously, I could use some guidance here.

I signed up for my first-ever writing eCourse today and am quite proud of myself for committing to something I want to do, just for myself. I can fall into meh-ness and let too much time slip by without being productive, sometimes. This is a good thing.

Today I had that first, real feeling that I am too educated/talented/etc. to spend many more months in my current position. I was asked to file emails and create folders by city. Maybe I was just having a weird day but I didn’t want to do it. Filing your own work into your own records is a perfectly important and respectable task, but. . . filing someone else’s emails is not a good fit for my skill-set.

QUESTION: Is it time to get more serious about getting a better job, or am I just being whiny and ridiculous? It has never bothered me before. Maybe it was just an off day.

My husband gets his MBA on Monday. I’m really proud of him. He went for it, and now the whole world knows he is awesome. I’ve always known, but “regional sales strategy manager for the largest food company in North America” sounds way more impressive than “copy editor for community newspaper.” He is the greatest.

**Insert best-ever metro Mullet sighting.**

Almost home. Have a wonderful weekend! Hopefully more frequent updates are heading your way soon!

Conversations Lately

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Question: You’re moving to Chicago?!?! Are you so excited?!?! What will you do there?!?!

Answer: So excited! Chicago is amazing and we cannot wait. I’m still figuring out how my work will change but we have faith it will all work out! But, we are a little worried about the winters up there!

Truth:

I have asked for a transfer to the Chicago office of my agency, but I don’t know if it will be granted, or when I will know whether it will be granted, or even what sort of job I would be doing if it were granted.

We have relocation benefits that kick in 45 days before H’s start date. That means we cannot use our provided realtor until June 20th.

It’s hard to really feel much of anything about all of this, much less excited. I have a cold and I want to hide away and drink tea and watch movies and read good books, but I keep going to a job I don’t know how long I will have, and don’t know how long I want to keep. We have things to do and decisions to make, but none of them can be done or made yet.

“Having faith” feels shallow and empty when I say it. What is it we should have faith in, exactly? I have faith that life is hard but beautiful. I have faith that sorrow and pain and sin can be redeemed by powerful love.

But faith that I’ll have a perfect house in a perfect neighborhood with a perfect job? I’m not sure that’s exactly how this faith thing works. And I’m pretty sure that even if it is how it works, that’s not the kind of faith I have right now.

Five [Awesome] Things I Read This Week, May 10th Edition

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It’s been a while, my friends.  It’s good to see you again. 

Five Awesome Things I Read This Week copy

Todd Hendrickson’s My Client Will Die:

“You screwed up. Man up. Admit you made a catastrophic mistake. Pay up and let my client try to enjoy the remaining time he has until the cancer literally squeeze the life out f him. Pay up and let him travel or spend time with his grandchildren or experience something he’s always wanted to do.  Pay up and let him enjoy his remaining time rather than waste even one of his dwindling days in mediation or in trial.”

David Marshall’s A Defense of Studying Literature:

“Of course the world needs scientists and mathematicians, and, because rigor probably has scared people away, it’s important to urge others to fill those roles. But we also need brilliant people who can accommodate soft thinking and appreciate elusiveness and uncertainty and—dare I say it?—beauty.”

Jenny Lawson’s Rules for Life:

“10. Don’t use the word “literally” when you really mean “figuratively”.  It literally makes me want to stab you a little but I don’t do it because that’s illegal and also because I have a very limited amount of knives.

11. Read more.  Watch shows that inspire you.  Embrace whatever makes you geek out.  Even if it’s Laura Ingalls.  Because Laura Ingalls is fascinating and there’s nothing wrong with obsessively knowing every detail about her life and death.  Stop judging me.”

(emphasis mine.  I LOVE LAURA INGALLS WILDER WITH A FIREY PASSION SURPASSED ONLY BY MY LOVE FOR CANNONS AND PIRATES.)

Ashleigh Baker’s Simple Stories [an invitation to old-fashioned blogging]

“But we’ve become stuck, silenced by our own fear and the pressing expectations to create stellar shareable content, to catch eyes and make it all mean something. When did blogging start taking itself so seriously? Nobody has life-changing thoughts every day.”

Allie Brosh at Hyperbole and a Half’s Depression Part Two:

“However, I could no longer rely on genuine emotion to generate facial expressions, and when you have to spend every social interaction consciously manipulating your face into shapes that are only approximately the right ones, alienating people is inevitable.

. . . Everyone noticed.”

 

In which I post a funny picture to make up for not posting blogs of substance

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Canons are forever

PHOTO:  Above, Parkers Crossroads, West Tennessee (2008).  Below, Gettysburg, PA (2013). 

I have a lot to tell you, but I’m not quite ready to say it yet.  So, here’s a rock-solid truth:  THIS GIRL LOVES CANNONS.

1.  I tried to convince my senior class to purchase a cannon for our class gift.  No one else wanted to do it, but seriously — it would have been totally badass to fire a cannon off at every graduation.  A gift that keeps on giving.

2.  The best Independence Day celebrations involve shooting off cannons.  Also, period costumes because OH MY GOSH hilarious.  I love to see men in tiny short pants and knee socks.  It’s just too much, I can’t even handle it.  But honestly — I can.  Bring it on.

3.  The 150th Anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg is being celebrated with a full three-day reenactment of the entire battle beginning July 4.  I’m not sure I’m going there, but seriously — this is a thing that every person everywhere should know about and be talking about.  IMAGINE THE NUMBER OF CANNONS THAT WILL BE FIRED.

4.  When I was a middle-sized kid I lived in Edenton, NC and there were a ton of cannons (to be more accurate, like 20…or maybe 5) along the edge of the sound (it’s like the fancy NC name for bay) to ward off PIRATES.  Another thing I totally love.  Actually, pirates are NOT things, they are persons.  But I still love them.  Those cannons were paid for pound-for-pound with tobacco.  Seriously.

The end.

“Real Life” Updates

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1.  I had a very cute outfit planned for today, before I checked the weather.  I should probably begin doing those things in reverse order.

2.  I’m reading Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within.  I love it but have not yet put the instructions into play.  I am still writing in my normal way instead of Natalie Goldberg’s Bones’ way.  I think that’s okay for now.

3.  But, just in case I change my mind, I renewed my library books for another three weeks.  There are a few things in there that I want to try out in here.  And a few other things I want to try out in places not here.

4.  Regarding number one, I need to purchase leather conditioner and condition my new leather jacket.  [Did I mention I purchased a new leather jacket?  It is my most favorite purchase of the year.  Click here to see how awesome it is.]

5.  I’m going to Tennessee in a few weeks (May 9-12)and I am very VERY excited even though I’d rather be going for something fun instead of something serious.  BUT, I’m still excited.

6.  I need to purchase a few graduation gifts for the men in my life.  If you have awesome ideas for that please indicate below.

7.  We are moving to Chicago [yes, we FINALLY found out where] the first week of August.  Maybe.  We have not yet nailed down dates or timelines or what-have-you and I still have not made any decisions about handling my own job yet, so no, you don’t need to ask.  However, I did paint my fingernails a new color this weekend, so we are making incredible progress on the get-your-life-together bandwagon.  Stay tuned for further developments.

8.  I have to leave for a meeting in the next few minutes but really I want to go to a coffee shop and get a latte and read my book.  This is the story of my life.

QUESTION FOR PONDERING: 
If I quit working and advising and everything else and just became a “writer,” would I be allowed to read books in coffee shops whenever I wanted?  If all I ever did was read books in coffee shops whenever I wanted, would I dream of a life where i had substance and mission and deadlines?

THIS WEEK’S MISSION:
(1) Set up a timeline for our move so I feel in control instead of in chaos.
(2) Dress appropriately for the actual weather of the day in question.
(3) Go to the gym at least one time.  Just go ahead and buy a new gym bag and lock:  looking for my gym bag does not burn enough calories to negate the number of margaritas I plan to consume this summer.  Also, buy more tequila.

FULL DISCLOSURE: 
My natural writing voice switched into the second person for number (3) of THIS WEEK’S MISSION.  My editing eye corrected it because it was inconsistent.  But now I feel awkward, because editing is NOT allowed while writing according to Ms. Goldberg’s bones.  So there’s that. . .

Christopher Columbus, Dirty Socks, Mavis Beacon, and Food Photos

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“It is important to say the names of who we are, the names of the places we have lived, and to write the details of our lives . . . . We have lived; our moments are important . . . . Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist — the real truth of who we are:  several pounds overweight, the gray, cold street outside . . . We must become writers who accept things as they are, come to love the details, and step forward with a yes on our lips so that there can be no more noes in the world, noes that invalidate life and stop these details from continuing.” 

Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones:  Freeing the Writer
Within (1986), page 44.*

Life has been moving every day even though it feels like if we have to wait much longer for news we will turn to statues and have birds land on our noses and random kids leave dirty socks in our empty moats (Christopher Columbus, Union Station, real American tragedy).  To hold you over, I have pictures of some delicious food I have been making to excite your Monday evening.  Because, basically, since I can’t plan for the future or go apartment shopping or oh, I don’t know, tell my employer that i need a transfer to an actual city before the entire agency goes into budget lockdown, I cook.  A lot.

001

Smitten Kitchen Cookbook’s Plum-Poppyseed Muffins.  Actually, I made some pretty delicious mini-blueberry muffins for a work party last week as well.  I’m on a bit of a muffin kick — but I only like Smitten Kitchen’s muffins.  I HATE gross muffins, which is basically every other muffin I have ever made.

002 Red pepper, spinach, and feta frittata.  I invented this but mostly merged it together from the Smitten Kitchen cookbook and my Better Homes Plaid-front-cover best-cookbook-ever.  Also, I love frittatas.  So easy and they seem fancy when basically it is just a fat omelet that you put in the oven.

001Margherita pizza.  I always thought that this kind of pizza was B-O-R-I-N-G but it pretty much was the most delicious thing ever.  But mozzarella is kind of expensive to eat all in one recipe.

003 So I admit it, I did not make these.  But HOLY CRAP they are so delicious I could die.  In case you can’t read the description above (hello blurry iPhone photos!) and the name “espresso pillows” just doesn’t do it for you, these jelly-beans of mystery are actually bits of espresso, toffeed, and then dipped in dark chocolate.  And you get to eat 22 for just one serving that has fewer calories than a banana.  Seriously, buy them now.

004And last but not least, delicious fresh-out-of-the-oven meatballs (baked and half-turkey to save us from an early death by meatballs).  Recipe courtesy of me opening Ina Garten’s Family Style cookbook, ignoring all of Ina Garten’s instructions, and just mixing a lot of gross stuff together.

—–

*Note:  four “. . . . ” means a paragraph change occurred in the deleted text.  Three ” . . .” means same paragraph, but words/sentences deleted.

P.S. I’d also like to announce to you right here in this random and unexpected grammar section that I use two spaces after periods.  Because I am old school like Charles Dickens and E.B. White.  They seem like pretty cool renegades to hang out with.  So suck it, Chicago Manual of Style.  (But really I love you except for this one rule that I just cannot accept.  I blame Mavis Beacon typing classes.)

Five [Awesome] Things I Read This Week — 4.19.2013

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Five Awesome Things I Read This Week copy

1. Kelley Nikondeha on homemaking –but really on what it means to live peacefully in a world perpetually choosing sides. Kelley’s writing is beautiful, and practical, and she challenges me.

Not long after the incident at school I remember my son asking from the backseat, “Do those boys have God’s fingerprints on them, mom?” As we pulled into the driveway I assured him, “Yes, they are made in God’s image just like us.” “So, God loves them like he loves me and my sister?” I answered in the affirmative. “So I shouldn’t be mean back? I should forgive them and give them another chance?”

And there it was … acknowledging the image of God in others and letting that truth control how we see them and respond to them. We don’t return evil for evil. We offer forgiveness and we believe everyone gets second chances (and then some) from a generous God. We try to see the humanity of those boys like our own, and how a loving God embraces us all.”

2. Chris Bradley on life as a post-law school “loser.”

“The truth is, I don’t know what my life would be like if I could realize my wishes on impulse, if I could brush away the “failures” above—the spitting in the wind and the cold call and the exchange with opposing counsel—with the flick of my wrist. I’m not sure it would be worse, but I don’t think it would be any better. Because while I may have only practiced law “on the side,” and while I am “just” a copywriter now, it’s a job for which I am reasonably suited. I’d rather pursue a career in writing and creative work—the stuff I love—than spin my wheels and feel bad about myself because everyone else seems to be doing so much better.”

3. Kristin’s post about communion from A Deeper Story–at home communion is something I really want to start doing.

“In that moment, something happened. My husband began to weep and excused himself from the table. One of my teen sons responded and started crying. “It’s not good, is it?” he asked me. And slowly, gently, my dining room became holy ground. I shared the news we had received with my oldest boys. My husband and I moved in to comfort them, pray for them and just be with them in this time of hurt. I saw my dad move to the end of the table to place his hand on my neighbor who was hunched over crying from the weight of her life’s burdens. “Father, help her to lay these burdens down at your feet and let you carry them,” he prayed. An ebb and flow of the Spirit’s presence, wove His way into the fiber of our family that night.”

4. An angry response to the Delta Gamma email situation at UMD (and one of the reasons I spend my free time advising college-age women on that campus).

“You owe your sisters more than this. You owe yourself more. It’s clear after reading your email that class, self-respect and pride can’t always be taught. Perhaps your next meeting among sisters should be about the things that will really get you through life. Harnessing your power as a woman and using it for good. Giving back to your community (you might want to start by getting some basic education on the LGBTQ community and those with special needs). Putting your brain before your body, and sucking the marrow from your college courses instead of sucking on the end of a beer bong, might be helpful as well. In fact, I would guess that exercising your brilliant mind is actually what got you into college to begin with. And I’ll tell you a secret… once you get out of college, guys really dig smart chicks.”

5.  An op-ed from the New York Times that explains that the government debt threshold we’ve used to support austerity measures across the world for the past three years was … oops … based on a mistake in an excel calculation.

“Over time, another problem emerged: Other researchers, using seemingly comparable data on debt and growth, couldn’t replicate the Reinhart-Rogoff results. They typically found some correlation between high debt and slow growth — but nothing that looked like a tipping point at 90 percent or, indeed, any particular level of debt.”

Fair Warning: This post may disappoint you

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THIS:

“I have written about my life for my whole life. It just happens that it’s my job now, but I’d do it anyway. This is probably not good—for one thing, it pegs me as very likely to kill myself. For another thing, when I am uncertain about my life I shut down. In my seminar about how to write about your life, I realized, while I was teaching it, that writing about your life means facing your life. I am having a hard time facing my life now.”

PenelopeTrunk

Five [Awesome] Things I Read This Week, 03.31.2013

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Five Awesome Things I Read This Week copyWe’re late to the party this week and I almost didn’t post, but there are a few pieces I just couldn’t not share with you today.  Enjoy!

A Modest Proposal for More Back-Stabbing in Pre-School, Carina Chocano for The New York Times:

“[I]n my attempt to raise a conscious, creative and socially and environmentally responsible child while lacking the means to also finance her conscious, creative and environmentally and socially responsible lifestyle forever, I’d accidentally gone and raised a hothouse serf. Oops. . . . And so I began to wonder: Are we feeding our children a bunch of dangerous illusions about fairness and hard work and level playing fields? Are ideals a luxury only the rich can afford? (Tuition certainly is.) As seduced as I was by the good intentions on display, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something not quite fair about all this — not fair to my daughter, I mean. What if the kid got it in her head that it was a good idea to go into public service, the helping professions, craftsmanship, scholarship or — God help her — the arts? Wouldn’t a greedier, more back-stabby style of early education be more valuable to the children of the shrinking middle class ­ — one suited to the world they are actually living in? Because every time my daughter says, “I want to be a writer like Mommy,” I have to resist the urge to wash her mouth out with soap.”

Sarita Agerman’s blog post on her first time to Mosque and how worried she was to do something wrong — what an interesting read, full of personal happiness and religious quirks:

“Nameera informed me with a Cheshire cat grin on her face that the carpets smelled amazing. I looked at her rather quizzically to which she responded, ‘it’s not always the case. This mosque might give you a ridiculously high expectation of all carpets.’ Indeed, I’d heard horror stories of people coming up from bowing only to find things stuck to their forehead ranging from leaves to other items which I’d rather not care to mention.”

Rachel Held Evans’ Holy Week for Doubters:

But you won’t know how to explain that there is nothing nominal or lukewarm or indifferent about standing in this hurricane of questions every day and staring each one down until you’ve mustered all the bravery and fortitude and trust it takes to whisper just one of them out loud on the car ride home:

“What if we made this up because we’re afraid of death?”

A Washington Post opinion piece on the long-reaching ramifications of rape.  This is a sad but beautiful story:

Cara’s rapist struck every person who ever loved her. Then he hurt every person who ever loved me. It is stunning how far the grief of rape travels — across generations. Violent acts done to us affect our children not yet born.

And finally, Sarah Moon wrote a different kind of crucifixion post that stayed with me after I read it — that gave a different kind of feeling to the story of the death of Jesus.  I honestly loved the piece.

“Jesus stood with the oppressed. He healed on the Sabbath. He advocated for the poor. He spoke out against the abuse of women.

And those in power killed him for it. They silenced his message (but it couldn’t quite stay dead, could it?).

Maybe this is the real message of the cross. That the God of all creation loved the oppressed enough to become one with them, even in death–the ultimate tool of oppressive forces.”

Okay, that’s all for today!  A list of my newly loved blogs is coming later this week, so stay tuned.  oh, and Happy Easter!

Thoughts on Easter Sunday

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  1. Please, Lord have mercy, for all the treasures in this world and the next, please stop making us sing-a-long to the Hallelujah Chorus at the end of service.  It is terrible.  No one can sing it — not even your best choir members — and it goes on FOREVER.  Trust me, I’m an expert on these things.
  2. When I have a baby I am going to dress it in a Superman costume on Easter Sunday.  Because seriously, that was awesome.  Way to go, America.  You never cease to amaze me.
  3. I think I’m going to go shopping for my own striped tights to wear with a coordinating polka-dot dress.  Kids are styling these days.
  4. Reese’s has these new peanut butter eggs that are INCREDIBLE.  Make time tomorrow morning to purchase every single remaining peanut butter egg (of any size, really, but the small ones are surprisingly wonderful) on clearance at your local CVS/Rite-Aid.
  5. The best church to go to is the one where your  best friends are. 

Thanks guys for a wonderful worship
service and great lunch-time company. 
I don’t know what we would do
without you.

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