So I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I get really burned up when I make mistakes. Big things aren’t the real problem: it’s the tiny mistakes that bring hot blood to my cheeks and make me second-guess my purpose in life and my capacity for human value and understanding. (No, this is not an exaggeration.)
Objectively speaking, I know the difference between big problems and minor inconveniences. My brain can usually see the big picture and tries to calm the situation, but it doesn’t provide that long-term peacefulness that I need. Days, weeks, months or years after one of these life events I will remember, cringe, and attempt to distract myself from the reality that I am not perfect: that I will forget things, overlook details, misplace belongings or (most often, unfortunately) say the wrong thing.
Do any of you have these same feelings? Do you have any particularly helpful or amusing remedies? If so, please share in the comments.
I know in my brain that there is a reason for my mistakes, that they teach me to trust others and to have compassion. The Sunday School inner voice that speaks up from time to time knows that making mistakes reminds me of my need for a savior, for a church family, for a support network — but even so, I’m not sure my heart knows this, and if it does I’m not sure it believes it. Somewhere deep inside I am still relying on myself to fix the world and to get through difficult times. Life is a pretty hard row to hoe on your own, isn’t it?
But the funny thing is, it doesn’t have to be. And I know this, but still struggle. With age comes grace and beauty, right? At least, I hope so. Until then, writing helps me gain perspective. If you are here in this place with me, I highly recommend it.