I’m having the feeling lately that I want to take everything out of my life and scrub it clean and then only put the good things back in. It started with a wave of hatred for our current apartment (which is actually quite adorable, FYI) but has shrunken and grown and been whittled down and expanded until it feels like I’m ready for a new life altogether.
And while my life is about to dramatically change in the next few weeks — I’m starting a new job with a new federal agency on the 23rd, and my husband will be living in Minnesota for 10 weeks starting in June — I have “the itch” to shake things up in the rest of my life too!
I am evaluating my life — my habits and my choices and the way I spend my time — and I love it. Seriously, it feels so right to be looking at myself critically, questioning my habits and asking myself who I really want to be. So far, I’m learning a lot:
- I really like my current job even though it drives me crazy sometimes, and I think I would be happy to stay here for a while and see what kind of difference I can make.
- I feel better if I wake up on time, go to bed on time, and have clean laundry. I think I like these things enough to actually do them on a regular basis — especially the going to bed on time and the laundry. Waking up early is still a stretch today.
- I know that my advising isn’t perfect and I want to make it better. If you don’t know, I started advising college students in my sorority this year, and it has been one of the hardest transitions I’ve made in a while. Advising but not “doing” is awkward for me, especially when I’m not really sure what is going on a lot of the time. My personality likes to get things done — I’m terrible at gardening and at waiting and at standing by to let things take their course. But, my mentors have been so valuable to get me where I am now, and I want to become a good mentor for those I interact with now. I’m trying to find the right balance — sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. This week, I connected an architecture student with a successful architecture friend and it felt awesome, like I was doing something of value. I want to find a way to do that more.
- I depend on H for a lot of things, but I like staying independent. With H’s school schedule getting crazy these last few weeks and my advising schedule lightening up, I’ve gone back to taking the bus to and from the metro and making dinner regularly. H is still happy to help, but I depend on his car and his structure a little too much sometimes. Taking care of myself for a few days has been liberating and fun.
- I like reading. After I finished all 3 Hunger Games books, I picked up another book to read on the metro and it makes my life SO MUCH BETTER. I mean, sure refreshing my facebook repeatedly on my blackberry gets me from work to home, but reading a book seems to transport me home in an instant. Last night, I literally read for 2 hours after dinner and it was fantastic. (I should probably put some limits there, but still — you get the point.)
- I miss church and I want to be there more often.
- It might be time to let my consulting project go. It feels more like a burden than a blessing sometimes. I mean, it is a second job so my expectations might be a little unrealistic here but I want it to be a pleasure to work on. And my current study has been frustrating, and I’m not sure it’s a good fit for me. I’m not ready to make a change here yet, but I’m thinking it over.
Even just typing this list feels great. This year is really feeling good to me, and I can’t wait to see all the new things I’ll be able to fit in once the old stuff is clean and shiny and back in place. Life is pretty good, isn’t it?