Conversations Lately

Question: You’re moving to Chicago?!?! Are you so excited?!?! What will you do there?!?!

Answer: So excited! Chicago is amazing and we cannot wait. I’m still figuring out how my work will change but we have faith it will all work out! But, we are a little worried about the winters up there!


I have asked for a transfer to the Chicago office of my agency, but I don’t know if it will be granted, or when I will know whether it will be granted, or even what sort of job I would be doing if it were granted.

We have relocation benefits that kick in 45 days before H’s start date. That means we cannot use our provided realtor until June 20th.

It’s hard to really feel much of anything about all of this, much less excited. I have a cold and I want to hide away and drink tea and watch movies and read good books, but I keep going to a job I don’t know how long I will have, and don’t know how long I want to keep. We have things to do and decisions to make, but none of them can be done or made yet.

“Having faith” feels shallow and empty when I say it. What is it we should have faith in, exactly? I have faith that life is hard but beautiful. I have faith that sorrow and pain and sin can be redeemed by powerful love.

But faith that I’ll have a perfect house in a perfect neighborhood with a perfect job? I’m not sure that’s exactly how this faith thing works. And I’m pretty sure that even if it is how it works, that’s not the kind of faith I have right now.



  1. Jen

    I commonly ask myself that question about “faith” and what it entails almost every day. It’s easy to have faith in a God that will always love you and forgive you of any sin. The hard part is having faith in yourself. Knowing that you are capable of making life-changing decisions, but not realizing how life-changing they are until days, weeks, months or even years go by. At the end of the day, you may not have the perfect house or the perfect job…but I find that imperfections sometimes make good stories great. There are things you can control and things you can’t…worry about what you can control and the rest will fall into place.

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