Not Working is Ruining Everything

So I had this plan:

Work hard, work a lot, retire young, do whatever I want all day long.

After more than a week of doing whatever I want all day, I really just want to go back to work.  I still wake up between 6:15 and 7:00 to watch the morning news.  I drink coffee in my pajamas waiting for some kind of news — anything, really, that is different from what they said the day before.  When Chuck Todd comes on, I try to find something productive to do — something like taking a shower or eating breakfast.

I check my emails and continuously refresh the Washington Post website and flip on CSPAN.  Nothing is more disappointing than watching people who are elected to represent you and your neighbors say things that cannot possibly be true.  It cannot possibly be 100% X’s fault and also 100% Y’s fault without someone being incorrect.  I do not understand how no one answers questions or tells the whole truth.  Direct questions do not receive direct answers.  The same history of events is told completely differently by people who were there together.  Do we not have cameras filming all the time?  It sure feels like we do.  Can someone not just rewind CSPAN and say “Actually, team, this is what happened, and you didn’t really make any sense then, so you might not want to keep bringing that up?”

After an hour or so of checking emails, texting, facebooking, or tweeting friends, reading all of the blogs in my reader, I’m sick of the nonsense and edit a chapter of a friend’s manuscript.  It’s really a great manuscript, and I am excited to see the final product whenever it is ready.  I write a few paragraphs of something too, but find myself easily distracted and struggle to see purpose.  What is there to write when everything is insane?  I had feelings about these things once, proud feelings about our country’s ability to keep getting better and my choice to be a part of that — but now I just hate feelings and hate thinking and am blocking it out with fall TV premieres. I’m going to write a post for you telling you which shows you should be watching because if anyone knows which new shows are good, I do.  I’ve seen them all.

I will be accompanying my husband to a business dinner tonight.  So I’ll be dressing professionally, applying make-up, and styling my hair for the first time in days.  It’s a good thing I grabbed my nude work heels when I left work last Tuesday, just in case I needed them while I was at home.  I usually keep them in a filing cabinet along with a spare toothbrush and some mints.  Business dinners are hard enough for me, an introvert who’s always been committed to public service making small talk with people who think nothing of giving a $500 bonus to employees for a good job on a single project.  I cannot even imagine getting a bonus for doing a good job.  I’ve been doing a great job this year and my reward was to lose an entire week’s worth of pay from Sequestration. But what exactly will I be able to talk about now?  Certainly not work.

banana bread

I know — I can talk to them about the beautiful loaf of Banana Bread I baked yesterday.  It has a streusel topping, and I cooled it completely before wrapping it and placing it in the freezer.  I can talk to them about the three pounds of meatballs I squished and shaped from breakfast sausage, ground turkey, and ground beef.  I made my own breadcrumbs and these meatballs are pretty dang fantastic.  I wrapped them up and put them in the freezer as well.  I can tell them about my friend’s manuscript — that being a school teacher is dangerous, and important, and scary and hard.

What I want to tell them is the important work I am doing to make America a better, safer place for our children to grow up.  Unfortunately that isn’t what I’ve been doing.



  1. Jen

    “What I want to tell them is the important work I am doing to make America a better, safer place for our children to grow up. Unfortunately that isn’t what I’ve been doing.”

    Not true. You may not actively be at your job right now, but I guarantee you are learning something valuable where you are and building up a deeper-rooted passion for making things right. They may be able to sequester you, but they can’t beat you.

    Tonight, you should talk about being awesome. You pretty much know everything about that! Ask questions. Be the most inquisitive learner in the room. Get people talking about themselves, and all you’ll have to do is make appropriate listening noises, and they will walk away thinking you are fascinating.

    You can do it. I believe in you!

  2. Kim Johnson Kelton

    I agree with Jen. By following her suggestions, not only will these folks believe you are fascinating, but they will also wonder why our government is so stupid as to sequester someone who is so clearly awesome. You never know, it may lead to a change for the better. Sometimes all it takes is one person to make a difference.

  3. Pingback: Five [Awesome] Things I Read This Week 10.11.2013 | pink-briefcase

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