I have that feeling now, that feeling where the weather starts turning warmer and you want to clean everything and throw out all of your winter clothes and go shopping. Spring fever or something like that.
I’m finally home. My traveling isn’t over forever, but I don’t have any work trips planned for at least a month and I’m settling back into a more normal routine.
I’ve missed you all. And I’m excited to be back, but also nervous that it’s silly to blog after being away for months. (But, honestly, blogging is a little silly at its very nature, so whether or not there will be readers really doesn’t increase or decrease its inherent silliness, am I right?)
Work has been — hard. I’ve been traveling and stressing out and making presentations and filtering spreadsheets and loving every minute. I’ve never felt more grateful for anything than I have felt these last few months for the continued opportunity to work hard in a job I love. I’ve had really terrible jobs, and I know how depressing and terrifying and boring it is to feel like your time is not used well and you aren’t accomplishing anything because I have lived that life too. A lot. (If you are there right now, I’m sorry.)
I’m also learning first-hand how important it is to set boundaries for myself. Everything in moderation. When I’m caught up in my work, months can pass without me remembering to get a hair-cut, go out with my friends, paint my fingernails. And let’s not even talk about laundry.
When you’ve been going nonstop and working a lot its easy to convince yourself that your work is very important and that because your work is important, you are important too. And that is a lie. Just because your job is hard or your hours are long does not mean your job is important. And, whether or not you work a lot or your job is important does not make you important. You are already important because you are a person who loves others and who is greatly loved. Being a person who is alive is AWESOME.
I’m mostly writing for myself today. And this is what I need to hear, every day, but especially when things feel insane or tedious or impossible or just plain boring. You too?
Thanks for joining me here, my friends. It’s been too long, hasn’t it? How are things?
I connected with my law school mentor this week. It’s been a while since we were in touch. She shared some good news I wanted to hear, and I shared a link to the panel on creative writing projects by
prisoners INCARCERATED PERSONS I attended last week.
It was just a few emails, sent back and forth while we were each doing our own regular work. Nothing important, really. I asked about her daughter’s first year away at college; she asked how my husband’s job was going and if we’d fallen in love with Chicago yet. [Quite well, and yes! a little more every day.] She asked about my current work, and I wrote back about my ongoing project and how I was surprisingly very happy even though I wasn’t currently practicing law. She replied,
Wow, [pink-briefcase] — that is amazing. Those are some incredible skills you are learning. What is the hardest part? Where do you see yourself after this?
We talked a little more, about law school rankings and the future of legal education and the flowers blooming there but not here, but those twenty-five words worked a powerful magic in my heart.
. . . .
I have a supervisor that isn’t my supervisor at work. He is kind of a mentor, kind of a boss, and kind of a friend. I’ve learned a lot working for/with him. Every now and then, when things get rough and I start to feel on edge, I read over an email he sent one day, which started off:
Your professionalism, persistence, patience, exemplary work ethic and positive attitude have been evident to all throughout this project.
On days when nothing goes right and all I can do is put down my pen and shake my head and pour the tea and start over again, this sentence waits for me. I look up and see it, hanging on my blue bulletin board right above the empty jar that once held black-raspberry jelly my husband’s grandmother made us for Christmas, which now holds pens and highlighters and a pair of scissors, and I read those words. I remind myself that one bad day cannot cancel out months of hard work.
. . . .
I’m not sure that either of these mentor-friends knows how important their words were/are to me. I didn’t write back “HOLY COW THAT IS SO NICE I’M GOING TO PRINT OUT THIS EMAIL AND HANG IT ON MY BULLETIN BOARD AND LOOK AT IT EVERY DAY FOREVER.” I said thank you and continued on, slightly embarrassed about all of the fuss. No perfectionist really wants to be congratulated for doing a good job (don’t I always do a good job? I always try to do a good job! why is this time different? did I screw up something terribly last week?! . . . ). But as awkward as I may feel when I first receive these affirmations, I am completely changed by knowing that people I trust think these things. I am confident and brave and resilient because I trust their opinions of me to be true, even when my opinion of myself falls far short of their esteem.
We talk a lot online about how words have consequences, but we often really mean that words have negative consequences. We criticize and condemn each other too freely, with too little concern for the way another might feel to read a scathing review, a bullying comment, a snide remark. We forget too quickly that it could easily be the negative comments they are printing out and hanging up on the blue bulletin boards of their hearts. Negative words do have an undeniably strong hold on us, but I’m becoming more aware of the immense power positive words hold as well.
The Culture of Shut Up, by Jon Lovett for The Atlantic.
What Abandoning Evangelicalism Does and Does Not Look Like, by Zack Hunt for The American Jesus.
Am I Overstepping When I Try To Be Emotionally Intelligent?, by Alison Green at Ask A Manager.
The recovery puzzle: A new factory in Ohio struggles to match jobs to job-seekers, by Monica Hesse at the Washington Post.
Why I’m Done With Letting Critics Tell Me Who I Am, by Esther Emery. >
Being successful at work is really important to me, and I’m at my best when I am completely focused. If I’m in “the zone,” you might find that if you walk past my cubicle and say hello I’ll jump a bit, completely startled that anyone else was in the room. (Thankfully we have security doors, so I don’t have to worry too much about someone sneaking up behind me!) That’s just how I roll: I sit down, dig in, and get things done.
But here’s the thing: if my sweater sleeves are itchy, if my pants are ill-fitting, if my bangs fall in my eyes or if my shoes are uncomfortable, I can’t do my best work. My mind will be distracted by how much I hate my outfit or how uncomfortable I am. I’m not sure men have these problems. But that’s not what this blog post is about.
To do my best work, I need to be comfortable. A dress with a cardigan or blazer is ideal, so long as hosiery isn’t rolling down or bunching up. Slacks and a sweater or blouse can also be great, if the pants fit well and my cubby isn’t too hot or too cold. I really like to wear heels at my desk – partly because they feel fancy and partly because I don’t have to wear socks so my feet don’t get too hot. I try to wear layers that can be stripped off without scandal in case I get too warm. My ideal work set-up requires changing from flats to heels and a sweater to a blazer just like Mr. Rogers did. (Dreams do come true, kids.)
If this all sounds a little crazy to you, that’s okay – my productivity makes me a fantastic employee, so if comfortable clothes and fancy shoes are what it takes for me to strategically plan broad organizational change or write and edit convincing and accurate reports on a deadline, I’m down for a little craziness.
This past week, however, a blog I read was talking about the difference between wearing clothes that make you feel good, and wearing clothes that make people think of you as the boss. As young female professionals, we want to do whatever it takes so that our management thinks of us when developing the organization’s succession plan, filling vacancies, etc. And what this blog post and the comments that followed boldly stated was that the best way to be empowered in your workplace is not to feel valued and loved and comfortable in whatever position you hold or clothes you wear. The most effective way to be empowered in your workplace is to have actual power in your workplace — a.k.a. to be the boss.
While I absolutely want to dress in a comfortable way that allows me to do my best work, I also want to look like someone who should be in charge. If someone new walked into the room and scanned the people sitting around the conference room table, I want that visitor to assume I’m already holding a management position.
Spring is coming (slowly but surely) and each day I’m edging closer to 30 and farther away from 25. It’s time for a[nother] closet overhaul. It seems like I need one of these every now and then! I’m not sure if fashion posts are your thing, but I’ll be checking in for the next few weeks on my 2014 closet revamp.
To kick us off, today I’m linking you up with my favorite fashion blogs:
1. Capitol Hill Style – Belle’s a former Capitol Hill Staffer, and she provides realistic and specific advice for a professional wardrobe on a variety of budgets, and she includes plus size options and hair and makeup recommendations.
2. Corporette – Fashion, lifestyle, and career advice from former firm attorney turned full-time blogger, Kat. The comment sections here are incredible, and if you have a question about how to navigate a difficult work situation or what to wear to work-ish events, this is where you want to go.
3. The Small Things Blog – For hair and makeup and all-around beauty, Kate’s blog is the place to go. I used one of her hair tutorials for my hairstyle during one of my best friend’s weddings last summer, and she gives honest reviews of products to help you find what works for you. She also just had a very adorable baby. Kate’s archives are gold.
Okay, so tell me where you fall on the spectrum: do you dress for comfort or to make a positive impression? Maybe a little bit of both? Does hearing this perspective on empowerment make you re-evaluate your own wardrobe choices?
Whew, where did March go? I can’t believe it’s already time to link up with Leigh once again.
WORK. Is that a weird thing to say, that I’m loving work? Well, I have been. I started this month off with a business trip to Florida (thank you America), and have been doing hard, challenging work this entire month. So basically, I’ve been living the dream. [Literally. Working incredibly hard every day is exactly what I want to do with my life.]
FRIENDS. Oh, that’s right, we’re finally using the “f” word here in the Windy City. I’m setting into some very enjoyable friendships/co-workerships in the office, which is starting to feel like a great fit. On March 8, in honor of International Women’s Day, I met up with a half-dozen members of my writing group who also live in the greater Chicago area, for drinks and food and writerly hang outs. I also attended my second Kappa Delta Alumnae Chapter event this month, grabbing dinner and meeting some new women in the city. It’s so nice to have “people” once again.
Oh, and we’re still looking for a regular trivia night and trivia people around the loop/south loop. Just an FYI in case there are any random internet stalkers close by.
CHICAGO. The weather is improving, the sun is shining more frequently and for longer stretches at a time, and I’m just plain loving Chicago. Everything about it — the jazz music and the frumpy coats and the popcorn (oh the popcorn!) and the skylines and the way that the best restaurants use animals in their titles (“purple pig,” “little goat”). My parents were here for a visit and we did basically nothing, but even still — I just love it here. I didn’t think I would, but I do.
READING and WRITING. This month has been all about l-e-a-d-e-r-s-h-i-p. I’ve been reading blogs, articles, and am nearly finished with The Truth about Leadership (Kouzes/Posner 2010). My favorite tidbit from the K&P’s Ten Truths reminds us that being a leader is all about relationships, and that you need to know the people you are leading and have the right kind of relationships with them to lead them toward positive change. K&P teach leaders to know their values and visions for their organization, and to know their people — what makes them tick, what their visions are for the future — and to connect these organizational and personal dreams together. I love it.
ON THE SCREEN. Television has been kind of meh this month, eh? (Shout out to my Canadian readers right there.) I guess Nashville and Scandal are my top choices, but meh. I also really like Blacklist most days but, meh. Nothing is really catching my attention for very long. This weekend we watched several movies, and I’ll give you mini-summaries:
- Divergent — awesome(!) and now I want to read the books right now. I’m going to try to purchase them before my DC flight on Friday night.
- American Hustle — sad but good, with some lovely dresses. Now I love Jennifer Lawrence a little more.
- Frozen — what the what is all the fuss about here? I don’t get how everyone talks about this so much. Meh.
EATING/DRINKING. I’m a creature of habit, and this month I’ve found myself doing a few things over and over. Drinking English Breakfast Tea all day long. Mixing dried cherries, chocolate chips, and raw almonds for my own delicious trail mix. Also, I’ve been cooking from Bread and Wine (Shauna Niequist) a lot. I can’t stop loving that tiny little book.
HERE ON PINK-BRIEFCASE. I’ve been practicing this little thing called speaking up. Just a bit more than normal, but it’s something I want to do more. My favorite posts here on the blog this month are
- My most popular post this month was This is About Religion. Sorry, not sorry. I’m not usually a faith writer, and this might have been a stretch for me, but you all were incredibly awesome. Thank you.
- My favorite post this month was #50daysawriter Update: The Half Way Point. I’ve been working on taking my writing more seriously, and these last thirty-something days have been really positive for me.
- I also joined my writing community for an International Women’s Day link-up about The Girls We Once Were.
Well, there you are. March in a nutshell. April is going to be insane! We’ll be out of town two out of four weekends. I’ll be seeing some of my very best friends; trying on my writer hat for four days straight at a big fancy writing conference; and then pulling my lawyer hat out of the closet, grabbing a blazer (it’s been a while, blazers!), and heading to a legal training at the end of the month. Hopefully I’ll finally get to wear all those new spring shoes I’ve been buying.
NOTE: my friends, our internet has been down to about 10% for days and it is so slow and terrible that I just couldn’t upload any photos for you today. I also couldn’t really preview this post the way I normally do, so if there are typos here or anything looks weird, I apologize — leave me a note and I’ll try to edit them if we ever have consistent internet again.
I have so many links I want to share this week — cutting this down to just five was more difficult than usual! But I did it, because I am awesome. And so are you — don’t forget it.
I have two favorite The Girls We Once Were posts that I want to share with you. All of them are really quite fantastic (click here for more), but these are the two I read that really stuck with me:
One. Where were the boys? posted at Faith In Between.
Two. Renaissance Girl, posted at CoffeeSnob318.
I know the names and details for these two women, and they are awesome and good-looking and all that jazz, but I’m not sure how anonymous these writing spaces are so we’ll let them determine whether or not to say their names online. I won’t do that for them. BUT, they are both pretty dang cool and funny and smart. Take a look.
Three. How to Watch Your Kid’s Game Without Being a Jerk. I told you guys how I’m not a mom but I still often enjoy reading the blog Momastery. I’m still not a mom (still, as in since I wrote the previous sentence one second ago? I’m leaving that awkward transition here for kicks and giggles all around), BUT I have baby sat a mildly disabled individual who loved soccer, and I found myself giggling with memories reading this post. I also recommend asking your child what is appropriate for you to wear to view his or her game: as in, perhaps what you are currently wearing is not cool and or incredibly inappropriate. But that’s coming from a twenty-something with no kids.
Four. Ask A Manager with When a Coworker Missed a Deadline, I Told Her it was a Good Thing She’s Pretty. People do the funniest, weirdest, most unprofessional things at work. And it’s really funny, until it’s your boss saying something like that to you OR until it’s your job to address the behavior. Here on this blog it is quite hilarious.
Five. Man Beaten in the Street on a Beautiful Day, by Kate at Eat the Damn Cake. There’s this tension between protecting others and protecting ourselves and this made me think. She writes in the tension, without resolution, which opens the door for us as readers to consider what we think is right.
Well, we’re a day late and a dollar short with Five Things this week. I haven’t been reading and saving blogs at my typical frequency because I’ve been, well, doing other things. However, while it is Saturday instead of Friday, these links are still just as awesome as they were yesterday, and I hope you enjoy them!
1. How to Improve your Presentation Skills — without an eccentric professor vibe. I read Ask A Manager almost religiously. So many things that I didn’t understand or did wrong in the first year of my professional life could have been avoided if I’d read all of this first, and so I make sure to check in each day to AAM as well as to skim through the comment sections. There is so much good information in here, and the comments on how to be a better presenter do not disappoint. My two cents: you make a presentation for an audience, not yourself, so think about what they need to know, not all of the things you have ever known so you can prove to everyone how smart you are.
2. When this is all I have to say about Jesus and religious freedom, by Preston Yancey. I don’t know Preston, and nearly every time I comment on his blog it somehow gets a-w-k-w-a-r-d, but some people who I love know him in real life and call him friend, and I can see why. I’m so glad to hear him and other popular internet people speaking love.
Will bakeries be declining to make cakes for gossips and slanderers and the proud also?
If so, then my wedding is tanked.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I would bake the cake.
And I think Jesus would too.
I operate from the premise that Jesus is kind.
3. Discuss: The Empty Hearing Room, at Capitol Hill Style. I love it when Belle gives an insider’s perspective on how things work ‘on the Hill,’ and this post is a good one. It is shocking to see how empty hearing rooms are on Capitol Hill — I too have visited a session to see a senator making a speech to basically no one — but while it seems weird it actually isn’t: she is getting her words on the record and that’s what counts.
4. The Lectionary and a Legacy: A Letter to Myself, by my friend Caris Adel. Caris is knocking it out of the park these past few weeks, as she wrestles with being white and privileged. I’m sticking with her as she journeys into her history, which is also my history. Only good can come from asking these hard questions.
5. How to Create a Progress Gantt Chart in Microsoft Excel 2010, a video by Euguene O’Laughlin (YOUTUBE). If you follow me on Facebook you heard already how I successfully made a beautiful Gantt diagram in excel this week, under the auspices of ENGLISH MAJORS CAN DO ANYTHING. If you’d like to know what that is, or how to do it yourself, watch this short video that taught me how.